Praying for victories to be won.
Feeling like you're not heard,
And maybe you're too far gone.
Trying to cling to the Truth that someday these lies in my head will be destroyed.
That Jesus really does have the power to cleanse me from all sin.
Choosing to hope that someday I'll know His presence more real than anything else.
That I won't need to fight so many weary battles within.
Believing that He really can break the curse of the past,
Heal the wounds that have festered deep inside my heart.
Trusting that someday His light will shine through forever,
That He'll restore all that has been ripped and broken apart.
Heaven feels so far away these days, and the world is getting darker.
I know God is real. That His love for me hasn't changed, yet I feel so alone.
How do I reach out and touch Him, how do I know His heart is still for me?
Oh how I long to see Him, and to dance before His great throne.
I know He's preparing a place for His children, yes His Bride.
Yet how do I keep my treasure in a place I've never been?
How do I keep my affections, my hopes, my dreams, my life
Always and only surrendered to and placed completely in Him?
Why is He still faithful, when I've been such an unfaithful Bride?
How comes He still fills my life with good things even though,
I've questioned His goodness, doubted His care, and chose despair over hope?
I'll never be able to fully grasp, why He still loves me so.
I never dreamed that my relationship with Jesus would be like this,
When once upon it was so real, so intimate and close.
Yet I still long to sit as His feet once more, wash His feet with my tears.
Am I truly living for what matters the most?
How can I keep quiet when I see deception all around,
Is my silence costing the eternity of those I love?
When does one speak of things they know, but don't understand?
Sometimes it's hard to hear the whisper from up above.
So many shades of grey, and what really does matter?
Is love without obedience love at all?
Am I actually seeking God's kingdom first,
Truly heeding to my Master's call?
I know His return is drawing closer day by day,
I see it in the news, in the eyes of people I meet.
How do I not grow weary in showing His love,
To the people in my life and the people on the street?
He's promised to give His Holy Spirit to comfort us,
Yet sometimes in the wilderness it's silent and still.
How long must I wander in this desert of learning,
Wondering if I am still in the center of His will?
Just like Moses in the wilderness and yes David too,
I must choose to keep walking in obedience and "blind" faith,
Keep praising Him with my whole heart and soul.
Knowing He is good, and He's got everything in His control.
So this past Sunday I heard a sermon where the preacher said that his biggest battles were with God not the devil. That good and bad run on parallel tracks and usually arrive at about the same time. So even though in some ways my life has been rather calm these last few weeks, inside there's been a lot going on (guess the poem speaks for that :) a lot of questions, of what's next? What is the reason that God has me here? (I may never know that answer, and that's okay) How do I dream again? Why am I so focused on temporary things? On things that used to not even matter to me. How do I get back to hearing strongly the heartbeat of my Heavenly Father? One thing I do know. I pray that with His help I'll remain faithful to Him, to His calling on my life and that someday I'll hear Him say "Welcome Home Rhonda welcome home" (pretty sure those will be the some of the sweetest words my ears and heart will ever hear) cause right now I miss home (my precious family, & my dear friends all over the world) and I don't even know where home is. (on this earth that is)
til next time, God's nomad
P.s. Don't get me wrong. I have so much to be thankful. So much I am thankful for, yet I long for more. More of Christ. More of love triumphing over sin. More of good over evil. More of forgiveness instead of hate. More words of life instead curses. More of truth instead of lies. & yes, a place that I can call my own "home". Yet I'll cling to the promise that His ways are perfect, even if it means not ever really having a home on this earth. Guess I am a pilgrim & stranger after all. =)
