When Hope and Grief Walk Hand in Hand.

   Greetings from the lil tan house in the Piney Woods! This blog has been silent for a long time. For multiple reasons. Many of the things I've been walking through this past year, the grieving, the healing, the hoping, the grappling, can't (and in some ways won't out of respect for others) be put into words. No worries, I won't bore you to tears with the details! =)

    As I struggle during this holiday season wrestling with being grateful for what is, yet grieving what is not, what never was, along with holding onto hope that someday things won't be how they are now. I'm learning it's okay to feel...

         Joy alongside sadness. 

         Laughter alongside tears. 

        Grief alongside gladness.

        Faith alongside fears.

     Yet in the midst of all the things that don't feel the same, (even singing Christmas Carols) there is also a quiet hope of seeing God bring beauty from the ashes. Of new traditions and memories to be made. An encompassing peace that He provides grace in the wilderness, streams in the desert, and even though sorrow may last for the night, joy will come in the morning! 

   2024 has been a journey. A year of losing loved ones, my cousin Luke, and my dear friend Theda. A summer of being stretched, growing in my faith, making new friends while spending 9 weeks at Camp Akiva. Another year of being in the 2nd grade classroom, along with being the floater has stretched me in many ways. Helping out with the Meal Team and the Little Ones at church, keeps my life exciting as well! 

  Alongside the hard, there's been healing, growth, many good memories made, sweet friendships, and countless blessings! My heart can still sing of the goodness of God, even through the tears!
  

                     Here are a few snapshots into the memories made this year!

                                                     These two pups keep life exciting!!

Mornings on the front porch enjoying my Father's world are some of my favorite!

Made it to Galveston this fall! It was a wonderful weekend spent with dear friends!

I'm quite partial to this country road & sunsets!

My Summer Home <3 

I'll always treasure the memories made!

& Here's to hoping we'll get more snow this year, then last!

"I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

This promise is one I've been holding onto this season, when prayers seem to go unanswered, grief sometimes seems overwhelming, and the "what if" questions leave me wondering. It gives me hope that even with all my mistakes, all the times I fail, His purpose will still prevail.

I know Christmas may not be Merry for some of you this year, yet I pray on those silent nights you will still feel a peace that passes all understanding!

til next time,  an East Texas girl

         

  

All the Single Ladies

At the risk of being misunderstood I leave you with these words. Not written for pity, it's just a glimpse into the journey that God has for me. I also know there's a lot of other single woman (friends) out there who can maybe identify, and so this is for you as well. 

The Single State

What am I doing that needs to die?

I've so many questions that end in "Why?"

Let me find contentment in being "alone."

To live in the truth this world is not my home.

How do I stay true to who You created me to be?

Yet not come across as "better than thee?"

Help me to stand for what I know is true,

Even if it's not the easy or popular thing to do.

Take away  and destroy the idols that take Your place,

Please come and reign in me with Your sufficient grace.

Teach me how to let go of what I often pray for,

Instead may I grow to trust You more and more.

Show me how to be content in the single state I'm in,

Yet not shut down, the deep longing and desire within.

You already know what the future has in store,

So please give me the courage to walk through the door.

If You've called me to walk through this world just with You,

I surrender to Your will for Your ways are perfect and true,

Thank You for being so patient and loving with me,

For your faithfulness and kindness is helping me to see.

That You do truly know what is best.

In You my soul can safely rest.

    I have never written about being single. Well until now. Maybe because for so long I never really put myself in that category.  Yes, I prayed for someone to come into my life and often dreamed of that day. Yet the thought of actually being single didn't really seem to be on the forefront. Life was full. My days were filled with lots of activities, other single friends, and I, for the most part was content to be wherever God had me at that time. Maybe the biggest reason was that I always thought this being single was just temporary. Like maybe I would meet him tomorrow, or someone I once knew would come back into my life, or hey, maybe that good looking guy in the coffee shop would be the "one." I never dreamed I would find myself in my 30's and single. I was the girl that people said would be married by the time I was 20. ( well unless one can turn back time that will never be so :) People over the years have told me that they're praying that God will send someone into my life. I've had people speak into that being single part is just a season giving me slivers of hope that maybe God will bring marriage to pass, and yet here I am wrestling with being single maybe more than ever before. I feel the ache of seeing others have what I've dreamed of for so long, and I wonder if that will ever happen for me. (if you're there also, know that God cares and I do as well )

 

  Questions & thoughts pass through my mind, What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should pray harder. Or maybe lower my standards. Why do I seem invisible to single guys? Am I not pretty enough? Is there something I've done or not done that keeps me single? Should I be more bold? Maybe learn how to flirt.

   Yes, I know I know.. but those are questions that come and if you're a single woman maybe you have them too. Don't worry, I know the truth. The truth is that unless God is in it, I don't want it even if my heart is so desperately longing for it. ( a godly relationship ) The truth is I'm not willing to comprise God's Word in order to change my relationship status. (not saying that I haven't been tempted )

Yet I still wrestle, I still shed tears. 

I still have dreams, and I still fight fears.

Prayers are whispered again and again

Hope clung to like a long lost friend.

    Maybe you also find yourself where I am now. Your questioning God's timing and your wondering how? Just know that you're not alone even if it really feels like you are. You can trust God's promises, and His love reaches that far. 

    Rise up single women, to the calling which God has on your life. He will be right there beside you in the good and the strife. Continue to seek first God' kingdom, and be sold out for Him. May His fire burn deep and strong within. Pray like you've never prayed before. Keep on trusting the One who has already won the war. Let your heart beat with His love. Turn your eyes up above. Don't be afraid to stand on His Word, Listen to what you have heard. Give and trust He will provide. Don't get caught in fear's raging tide. Run the race set before you. He will see you through!

                       Til next time, just a Texas girl saved by grace

P.S. To those woman who have walked before me on this journey I welcome your words of wisdom and advice of how to be more focused on Christ and less focused on being single.

Leaving Home.

Hey ya'll, so it's been over a year since I've written on here. I won't go into all the details of this past year, but let's just say it was pretty draining emotionally. God's grace sustains, that is one thing I know to be true more than ever before. Although I know the next chapter will have it's own challenges, and that I'm not exchanging hard for easy. I am really excited though to go where God is leading. It will be a whole new experience to move to a place where I've only met a handful of people. So grateful to be able to do this transition of living on the other side of the Mississipi River with my friend from childhood. 

While packing I came across something I've written sometime in the past and decided that maybe now is the time to share it with others. (some edits made while typing it out 😏)

We often think it's a sacrifice to give up our homes and comfortable life here on this earth to go where God is asking us to go. Yet, Jesus gave up Heaven, the ultimate place, His home. He gave up being with His Heavenly Father. Why? So we could be with His Father someday. He didn't give it up just for a day, or week, a month, or even a year or two. He gave it up His entire life. 33 years of not being able to go Home. 33 years of walking on this sinful earth. He became a baby, was born in a stable, became a refugee at a young age, grew up in a small town, all the while He was the Son of God in the flesh. It just amazes me when I think of His deep and incredible love. 

He spent years, teaching and preaching. He walked many miles to share the Good News with others, without a place to call home. He was rejected, hated, mocked, scorned, tempted, and despised. He reached out to the least of these. No one was too poor, too hurt, or too sick for Him to touch or care about. He warned the self-righteous, reached out to the sinners, loved both. 

He chose 12 disciples who were His close friends. He taught them, prayed for them, revealed Himself to them, only to have one of them betray Him. His friend was going to turn Him in for 30 pieces of silver, yet He still loved. He knew what it was like to be tired, hungry, to feel pain, and lose a loved one.

He loved little children. They were (are) special to Him. So much so, that in order to enter His kingdom, we need to become like them.

JESUS took the sins of the whole world upon His shoulders. So we wouldn't have to bear them any more. On the day He gave up His life, He took our sin, pain, rejection, hurts, fears, broken hearts, and made them His. Now we are free in Him to be the men and women He created us to be. Jesus did this because He loved us. Will you not return that love? 

Here are a few pictures of the adventures I had these past few weeks. I had the privilege of being in about 13 states, go camping, return to my NC "home", road trip to Lord willing my new "home", attend my farewell and just spend time with many of the loved ones I have on the East Coast.

Nothing like camping with mosquitoes and in the rain. We certainly made memories! Thankfully the sun came out eventually and God gave us a beautiful rest of the weekend.

The beautiful flight south was well worth the few hours of wearing a mask. Will treasure the memories made that week for years to come. It was such a gift to spend time with dear friends, have some time to rest, enjoy the great outdoors, even in the middle of signing papers.

The beautiful South.

Hey there, Wild West!👇

Stopped in VA on the way back to do some sight seeing.👇

I best get back to packing. Thank you to all of you who prayed for our safety. It was/is an incredible gift to see how God is leading. Though when I remember that my life is His, that this is what He has for me, I can trust that He will continue to lead and make a way!

Til next time, Lord willing soon to be living in the Wild West =)

 

3 girls. 2 tents. 1 car.

Hey there Southwest. ☺

      

    What a trip! We started out Saturday morning in a lil red rental car and headed south & west. Our first night we set up camp in TN. 

    Woke up to a beautiful morning. Hit the road again & made our way west to Arkansas. There we made our way through the back country to an out in the middle of "nowhere" campground. 

We set up camp, made supper on the fire, & met a true moutain man who was the camp host. Some of us also barely saw an amardillo in the dusk. We fell asleep with the bear spray in our tent & a chorus of night sounds.

   The next morning was beautiful as we cooked pancakes over the fire. We ate them plain (due to not having syrup). They were fried in coconut oil & actually were rather tasty.

 As we headed out we saw a doe & a wee lil fawn. We also saw the storm clouds that were coming, thankfully we were headed towards the sunshine! (We also narrowly missed hitting a deer) On through Arkansas we went, into Oklahoma for a little ways, then onto Texas.😊 It was so neat seeing the countryside and life in other parts of the U.S.

the running roadrunner.

     In Texas we got see ranches, cows & more cows, windmills, haybales for miles. I think our top 3 words on the trip were Wow. Cows. & No service. We stopped in Paris & Muenster (TX, that is ☺)  That night we set up camp at a State Park in TX where we saw a roadrunner, beautiful scenery, stunning starry skies (4 shooting stars) & howling coyotes. (👈 that was a lil nerve wracking when they sounded close to our tent) 

    After not a lot of sleep we got up and watched the sunrise while tearing down camp. On the road again we made our way to Albuquerque, NM where we explored the Old Town. We then spent the night with people Jess knew & made new friends. After having a little more relaxed morning & a delicious breakfast made by our hostess we set off for Sedona.

   On our way we decided spur of the moment to stop at a crater made by a meteorite. We also saw antelope there. That was a fun random stop. We could see snow capped mountains in the distance.

   Once in Sedona we set up camp & then went up to see the sunset. Did a lil walking around.

    The next morning we woke up early to go hiking before it got too warm. We went on several different trails. Spent the rest of the day driving/exploring & hanging out at the campsite. It was quite warm so Renae & I went for ice cream. We retired early knowing we had a full day ahead.

    We once again tore down our tents & made our way to the Grand Canyon. It was breathtakingly beautiful!! There we saw elk right before we got on the trail. We had fun hiking & meeting different people. After we hiked back to our car we drove to several more lookout spots, and went souvenir shopping of course.☺

    Then off to Utah we went, watching a gorgeous sunset on the way. In Utah we stayed where we were almost surrounded by big rocks, which made for a gorgeous sunrise.

    After realizing that our phones hadn't changed time we hurried to pack up & be on our way. Off to Arches & Canyonlands we went. 👌 It was beautiful despite the strong wind.

   

   To Colorado the beautiful we went. Where there were gorgeous mountains & rivers. After seeing red soil, big rocks, sand & canyons for days it was good to see greenery again! There we stayed once again with people Jess knew & had a grand time. While there we did some hiking, drove through beautiful mountain scenery & explored Grand Lake. We did get turned away at Rocky National park which was a little disappointing.

   The last morning there we woke up quite early (4:30) to make our way to Pikes Peak! On our way we saw moose, elk, bison, a fox, pronghorns, so definitely worth waking up early.

    Up Pikes Peak we went. What a beautiful chilly drive. Near the top we parked where we were shuttled up the rest of the way. It was gorgeous. 

    After that it was off to Colorado Springs, Garden of the gods, & Canyon City.🙌 In Canyon City we set up tent in my friend's parents backyard. 

     In the morning it was off to hiking at the Royal Gorge. Then back to Texas we went. We found our Air bnb & then decided to go to Coyote Bluff. Where we got a taste of warm, southern hospitality. (& really good burgers) 

       We did some sight seeing in the morning, then it was off to the Ozarks where we spent the night. In the morning we drove back gravel roads to go hiking to a waterfall. Continuing on we drove through Deer, (where there was a Deer Church of Christ, Deer Stand Cafe) Yellville, & Flippin'.😁

    The evening found us in western TN where we once again pitched our tents. 

That next day was spent driving & exploring Gatlinburg. We drove a little more, yet still camped in TN.
         

    That brings us to the last day folks where we encountered rain (more than a sprinkling) for the first time on our trip.

    So thankful for the incredible blessing of this time of making memories with Renae & Jess. Seeing more of the 🌎 God created & His handiwork was awesome!

    Yes, I'm aware we're living in troubled times, so I'll leave you with words from the Voice of Truth.

       Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

til next time, a traveling teacher :)