"The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do, in all that I say
Right here in this moment,
The power of prayer is in a humble cry
The power of change is in givin my life
And laying it down, down at Your feet
Right here in this moment..." Ana Laura
Life has been so full lately. Full of good. Full of hard. Of tears. Of laughter. Of enjoying the incredible beauty God has made. Of trying to sit still behind a desk. Full of dreams. Full of learning and being stretched. Full of seeing God in ways like I've not seen before. Yes, also full of transition. Full of anticipation of what God has in store. Along with sadness of closing yet another chapter. Full of learning to trust God in deeper ways.
Sometimes I get blown away when I think of all that God has given me, all that He's allowed me to experience and has brought me through. Along with those thoughts come regrets, there's still questions of why things happened, shame of the choices I made, wonderings of what if I had known what I know now sooner? Yet if I choose to lay those down, and choose to trust and rest that God still has a plan. He does restore. With Him all things are possible. He can take our greatest sorrows and turn them into our greatest joys. Our weaknesses that we despise and use them to show His strength. The trials to make our faith and trust in Him deeper than before. Our broken dreams and hearts, and mend them in a way that is more beautiful than we can imagine. Sometimes it happens so differently than we think it ever would or could. Yet He sustains. He brings us through for His name sake.
This whole denying myself taking up my cross. Dying to myself. To my dreams. My longings. I know it's a lifelong thing, yet I'm beginning to look at it in ways I've not seen before. The irony is that, dying is part of life. So many examples of that are all around us. Yet I've wrestled with accepting that. I'm not saying I enjoy the dying of my flesh, but I've come to the place that I want it. For it's in that dying that I can truly LIVE.
The lesson of loss is one I sense God is trying to teach me during this season. Of how to let go. To say "good-bye". The truth of joy and sadness all mixed together, yet not allowing the grieving to color the beauty in life. Not saying there's not a time to cry, because there is. I guess I've lived a lot of my life with "good-byes" over and over til sometimes I would go numb. Or I would just feel sad and hurt so much inside that even though I wanted to enjoy this moment, I was still allowing it to color everything around me.I guess He's teaching me and I'm slowly learning the acceptance of losing and gaining all at the same time. Not dimming down my excitement, yet also not numbing the pain. Of allowing the tears to flow, yet waking up the next day and enjoying the gift of this moment He's given me.
If you haven't heard... Lord willing I'll be leaving the beautiful South and be moving a little farther North (though technically still in the south) in about 10 weeks. :) :,( Thus this post and the random, ramblings of Rhonda.
May you experience the love of Christ in this moment. His joy in every season.
Til next time, God's southern girl
