The King of King's Birth

It was a starry night,

In a little old town.

Wrapped in swaddling clothes,

God, Himself had come down.

[Just ponder that thought of the last line... We listened to a sermon this morning, "What's so Amazing about Christmas?" This was the answer. God became human. Jesus loved us enough to come in the flesh, to die, rose again to life, so we could live with Him forever. There is no greater love. It just overwhelmes me at times at the wonder and truth of it all.

 May the gift of His love be real in your heart.]

Mary now held in her arms,

A precious baby boy!

The Savior of the world,

That not even Herod could destroy.

There they were in a stable,

All tired and alone.

Yet the joy of this birth,

On their faces brightly shone.

An angel then came to shepherds,

And told them the news.

They than ran to see the baby,

Long anticipated by the Jews.

There they worshipped the baby,

The Messiah and newborn King.

They went and told the world about Him,

And oh how their hearts did sing.

Not exactly how one would picture,

A birth of the King of Kings,

Yet this was God's perfect plan,

Through His Son, salvation would bring. 

He left Heaven.

[disclaimer: this was written several years ago... but when I read it again the other week it "pierced my heart" for somehow I've not fully lived/believed these truths in the past while and what I know is that I want to pursue that love, say yes to His love with everything I am. Life without it is so empty and meaningless.]

We think it's a sacrifice to give up our homes, our comforts, our families and friends.[I'm wrestling with surrendering some of those very things right now but when I remember...] Jesus gave up Heaven. The perfect place. His home. He gave up being with His Heavenly Father. Why? So we could be with His Father someday. He didn't give it up just for a day, a week, month, or even a year or two. He gave it up His entire life. 33 years of not being able to go Home. 33 years of walking on this sinful earth. He became a baby, was born in a stable, grew up in several places, with Nazareth as his hometown. All the while, He was the Son of God in flesh, it just amazes me. What deep and incredible love! He spent years teaching, and preaching. He was rejected, hated, mocked, scorned, tempted, and despised yet all the while He was perfect. He reached out to the least of these. No one was too poor, too hurt, or too sick for Him to touch or care about. He warned the self-righteous, reached out to the sinners, and loved both. He chose 12 disciples who were His close friends. He taught them, prayed for them, revealed Himself to them, and yet He knew one of them was going to betray Him. His "friend" was going to turn Him in for money, yet He still loved. He knew what it was like to be tired, hungry, to feel pain, and lose a loved one. He loved little children. They were so special to Him. So much so, that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we need to become like them.

He took the sins of the whole world upon His shoulders. In that moment Jesus took our pain, our rejection, our hurts, our fears, our broken hearts, and made them His. Now we are free in Him to be the men and women He created us to be. He did this because He loved and was obedient to His Father's will. Will you not return that love? 

Ephesians 3:17-2 (NKJV)

17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

til next time.. God's nomad child

ext time... God's noma

Stop Running.

Stop running from the pain inside,

Turn around and look into the eyes,

Of the One who for you suffered and died.

Stop running away in fear and shame,

That you'll never be enough,

Jesus is waiting for you to call His name.

Stop running from the lies that have you bound,

Let Jesus break the chains.

He can turn your life around.

Stop running from the tears you hold back,

Let them flow freely down.

Jesus wants to give you the comfort you lack.

Stop running from the One who knows your name,

Whose hands formed you with love.

Run to Jesus, you won't be the same!

[that moment when the words I wrote awhile ago are now words I, myself need to hear and heed to] May they whisper hope to your heart as well!

God is good. His love never fails.. even when I do.

   I'm not a good lil Christian girl... I tried at times to be. The more I tried, the worse I failed. The less grateful I became, the more demanding I was. The more controlling I became, the less trusting I was. The less trusting I was, the more fearful I became.. until one day that all came crashing down, and I found myself at a place I never dreamed in a hundred years I would be. One of my concerns for years was that I didn't want to be a hypocrite, yet I kept forgetting the importance of fearing God above fearing what others thought or said of me. Yet looking back I can see that God used me despite all my insecurities, and even though I don't know why He's still choosing to use me even in all my messy and brokeness, He is. In my struggles with unbelief, my confusion, my shattered and raw heart, yet I still see Him at work. If I can be really vulnerable, I don't want people to think I'm someone that I'm not. I know in my heart that if anything beautiful and life giving comes out of me it's Him. Yet I do wrestle with "performing" at times even in my sincerity. As I continue to learn that it's not about me [how freeing that is], that I can trust Him, (with everything) and that He already knows what's in store. That fear no longer needs to control me, though if I'm honest I've been wrestling with what others think more recently than I have in awhile. [yay for tests]
      On that day when my world turned upside down, I shut down. I stopped loving. (well kind of) [one of the worst decisions ever] I stopped praying (well just for a little) I stopped reading my Bible, and I chose to believe the lies that I was told instead of the Truth of what God says. Yet those lies revealed things to me, that God was longing to set me free from and show me truth. So even though I hate that trust has been broken, that I still don't make sense of it all. I'm still grateful, and still choosing to trust that God has a reason. Even if it's still so raw, and the tears still fall. Because I believed the lies, I also believed that because of "who" I was that I was not worthy of being loved, much less accepted. So I held back, and let very few people in. The girl who used to love freely was now scared to love. Not out of fear of being rejected but because she didn't think that it was okay for a girl with her problems to share God's love. Those months were miserable beyond words. I'm still trying to process it all. Still praying for a miracle, still longing for the day when I can feel God's presence, sense His love deep with in, to hear His whisper. I know He still cares. That is evident. Yet I miss the closeness. Also I know that only He can restore the damage that's been done, heal the gaping wound, and restore and grow what has been pruned away so my life can again bear the fruit of His Spirit. The path of surrender and counting the cost is not an easy one.
       I can't go back and do things differently. I wish I could. I wish I would have loved more and been less afraid. Prayed more and worried less. Trusted completely instead of controlling. Respected instead of demanding. Forgiven insteaad of holding onto anger. Yet on the flip side. This Ms. Perfectionist on herself is learning that mistakes are okay. [still have a long way to go on this one] Still learning that mistakes are actually good things. Not only can I learn from them, but they remind me of how much I need Jesus. Every day, every moment. [not that I don't already know how human and messed up I am] It's more like coming to grips with the fact that God knew I was going to make those mistakes before I ever made them and that doesn't change His love for me one little bit.  Now I can see a bit clearer that in my weakness, His strength is made perfect. What I am not, He is. Yet because of who He is, what He has done, I am now made righteous. I am free to love. Not that I'll always love perfectly, but because He is in me I have the greatest Gift of all to offer to the world. The gift of my Heavenly Father's love. Who He is, gives me a picture of who He's making me to be. I'll never be perfect this side of Heaven, yet knowing that He sees every step of the way, and He's going to complete what He's started in me is such a wonderful hope.
        God is love. Love never fails. I'm learning to cling to these truths, even in the raw. Even when it feels like so much has been stripped away. When it feels like I'm a rosebush that's been pruned, and all I have to offer Him and others are my cut back branches. Even though it doesn't always feel like it, He is still good, and still so worthy of my life & praise!

               On to a more carefree note.. The South has been giving me many opportunities to enjoy new surroundings & new friends. =)

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations"

 

 

Looking back I'm so thankful for God's incredible gift of grace.  

"Amazin' grace hath brought me safe thus far... and grace will lead me Home"

Forgiveness. It sets you free.

  Mark 11:25 (ESV)
          And whenever you stand praying forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

  So I'm the girl who grew up hearing about forgiveness. Taught the truth of it to others. Understood it somewhat, yet was often amazed when someone would just forgive me like that. I felt so unworthy and would wonder, how could they just forgive me? (no strings attached) Without me knowing, the roots of resentment, bitterness, and unforgivness had tangled me up until it felt like I was suffocating. [sometimes literally] I was walking around so wounded, I didn't know if there was any way possible for me to be free. I knew that Jesus had the power, but unbelief also had it's ugly claws on me. [something I still wrestle with at times] So there I was confused, knowing that I had lived in the truth, yet not understanding why the darkness once again had closed in. It was silent. I shed tears, yet also felt numb. I wanted to share Jesus, but at that time I had a hard time believing that I was still His. [He was still there, I just couldn't see Him] He took me to the desert, so I would know Him more. He took me to the desert so I would see my need of letting go, my need to repent, release, and forgive. For me to see that it's not about me, it's about Him. He took me to the desert so He could go with me and conquer the strongholds that had bound me for so long. He took me to the desert because He's not finished with me yet. Yet He didn't take me there for me, He took me there for Him. He took me there because He is love. Love is patient. Love is slow to anger. Love rejoices in the truth. He took me to the desert so I could know that I could be completely honest with Him, so He could heal me. He brought me to the desert so that His love could flow through me more than before. He wanted to show me more of Him, and more of who He's created me to be. He took me to the desert so I could know that He is who He really says He is. He took me to the desert to take me to a deeper level of trusting Him. [for some reason trust is a lesson I need to learn over and over, and yet He's so patient with me, so kind & loving] In all truthfulness, I had prayed for the desert without knowing it. My prayer has been "God, do whatever it takes to keep me close to You." He in His wisdom and perfect ways knew it was time for the desert. Time for more pruning to happen. Although it's so painful I'm thankful for those "pruning sheers". Thankful for the discipline of my Father. His ways really are perfect, it was a terrible thing when I stopped believing that.[or at least questioning it] When I took my eyes off Him and placed them on me and elsewhere is when my life shattered. Yet like He is, He remained faithful even in my unfaithfulness. He remained strong in my weakness.
    In the silence, He was still there. He knew all this was going to happen. Oh the peace of knowing that He already knows. He sees my life from beginning to the end. :) Yet somehow the need to surrender and trust Him completely is a struggle. One that I'm learning is an everyday, moment by moment of saying "Yes" to Him. Oh, the rest there is when I do. When I believe that it's all in His control. That not only does He have the whole world in His hands, but if I give it to Him, He has all of me in His hands as well. Safe, protected, LOVED, accepted, forgiven, free and the gift of being poured out for the One who died to save me from Hell. I deserved hell, [sometimes I still grapple with that, but it's true, we all do] Yet He chose to come, die on a cross, take our sin, and rise again so that you and I could experience the Father's love, all of His gifts and Heaven.
       The day when the prayer to experience more of Him, to experience an outpouring of His Spirit came to be, I opened up my heart before Him and He set me free from things I wasn't sure I would ever be free from. [yes, my faith was so small] You see I had held onto unforgiveness as if it was my right. As if I needed it to protect me. As if holding others responsible somehow would make the pain less. [wrong] I still feel like such a babe when it comes to forgiving. Yet I'm learning that I don't want to live without it. If I want to experience the Father's forgiveness, we also must forgive. Again and again. I never want to stop forgiving. For the land of unforgiveness is a horrible place to live. If you find any in your heart today, I urge you to forgive. To allow Jesus to cleanse that part of you and allow you to love again. I know I have so much growing to do, yet I know He's not finished with me yet. I'm excited about He has in store, the joy & honor I have to love, worship and obey Him. The gift He's given me of allowing me to be a part of His kingdom! I long for more of Him, more of His fire in my heart, more of His love to spill out on everyone around. JESUS & only JESUS. The power of the Gospel. It changes lives. I pray that I will always boldly speak the truth. May you experience His love & forgiveness. May you walk in the light of the truth that sets you free!
         

Find HIM here.

    So much has happened in the last few months that I'm not sure it would work to even try to put it into words, [so much unexpected, so much change, so many tears] it's a journey that I don't wish to repeat, yet God has shown me so much. Right now my prayer is that He'll redeem all of this for His glory... that my relationship with Him will grow, be deeper, stronger, that I'll continue to know His healing & forgiveness, and that I'll not be afraid to share the Gospel with those around me.

This song "Find You Here" describes so well the journey God has me on these days...

[Verse 1]
It's not the news that any of us hoped that we would hear
It's not the road we would have chosen, no
The only thing that we can see is darkness up ahead
But You're asking us to lay our worry down and sing a song instead

[Chorus]
And I didn't know I'd find You here
In the middle of my deepest fear, but
You are drawing near
You are overwhelming me, with peace
So I'll lift my voice and sing
You're gonna carry us through everything
You are drawing near
You're overwhelming all my fears, with peace

[Verse 2]
You say that I should come to You with everything I need
You're asking me to thank You even when the pain is deep
You promise that You'll come and meet us on the road ahead
And no matter what the fear says, You give me a reason to be glad

[Chorus]
And I didn't know I'd find You here
In the middle of my deepest fear, but
You are drawing near
You are overwhelming me, with peace
So I'll lift my voice and sing
You're gonna carry me through everything
You are drawing near
You're overwhelming all my fear

[Bridge]
Here in the middle of the lonely night
Here in the middle of the losing fight, You're
Here in the middle of the deep regret
Here when the healing hasn't happened yet
Here in the middle of the desert place
Here in the middle when I cannot see Your face
Here in the middle with Your outstretched arms
You can see my pain and it breaks Your heart

[Chorus]
And I didn't know I'd find You here
In the middle of my deepest fear, but
You are drawing near
You are overwhelming me with, peace
So I'll lift my voice and sing
You're gonna carry me through everything
You are drawing near
You're overwhelming all my fear with peace

[Outro]
Rejoice, rejoice
Don't have to worry 'bout a single thing, 'cause
You are overwhelming me with, peace!
Don't have to worry 'bout a single thing
You're gonna carry us through everything
Overwhelming peace ...

May you find God here in the middle of whatever you're facing today. May you experience His grace, & live in the His Truth of His amazing love.

Until next time, 
RMZ

A random side note... This place & the people I grew to love in the North have been on my mind & missed these days.